Laying down my pride

6 Feb

Hi, my name is Meg, and I have a weight problem. This shouldn’t come as a shock to you, if you have ever seen me. What may surprise you is that I haven’t always been this way, but most of the time I have. When I first met Jason, I was healthy and trim. I was comfortable in my skin, I gained a little “relationship weight”, and didn’t think much about it. Then I got sick, and everything changed.

I developed my holes, and a pilonidal cyst. I didn’t feel like working out. I gained a little more weight. I scheduled surgery to have the cyst removed, and ended up with an open wound on my tailbone, and was unable to work out. My body was working so hard to heal itself that I was tired all the time. It was so much easier to grab fast food on my way home from work than to try to work up the energy to cook. I packed on quite a few more pounds. I had my second surgery on my tailbone in October ’10, and was in bed for a little over a month. In that month, I gained 20 pounds. Though my pilonidal cyst healed after a few more months, because of my hidradentitis supperativa, I have painful open holes that tend to drain. Sometimes it’s hard to walk, let alone work out. My weight maintained.

In December of ’11, I tried losing weight. I started eating a paleo diet, and dropped 20 pounds quickly. I worked out daily. I felt great. And I finally got pregnant in Feb ’12. I lost around 15 pounds at the beginning of my pregnancy, but quickly gained that back. Though I gained only 35 pounds, on my already burdened frame, it has been painful.

Why am I telling you this? Several reasons. First off, I need help with accountability. Weight loss won’t be easy, and neither will getting healthy. But I need help making sure that my desires do not rest in what I look like, but instead protecting my health, and being able to teach my daughter a healthy lifestyle, without passing on my body issues. Another reason is encouragement. I easily get down. I don’t want that to be the case. Offer up kind words of encouragement, they will help my heart. Another is confessing the sin of pride. I believed, foolishly, that if I didn’t acknowledge my weight, it would drop. Like I was gaining weight by acknowledging the rest of the weight. And I have been too proud to ask for help. That is no longer the case. I have joined Weight Watchers, and committed to living healthy. So no, I’m not dieting, nor am I trying to lose weight. I’m being healthy and making smart choices, the weight will take care of itself.

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