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2010 Wrap up

31 Dec

Soon I will do a post about the ah-maz-ing Christmas we had…which brings my “I will soon post” total to 3…but, I promise to do it!

2010…I’m not sad to see it go. It has brought with it surgeries, countless medicines, too many doctors to remember, thousands of dollars spent on  doctors, tests, and medicine, and yet we are no closer to knowing anything than we were.

This year has taught me the true meaning of patience, that doctors don’t always know what they are talking about, the importance of a family care doctor that you trust beyond anything, that relying on one doctor is not always the best option, and that if you feel uncomfortable about something, ask questions until you do.

This year will always be remembered as a year of pain and suffering. Yes, it has had some high points; I got to marry my best friend and start our life together. I got to travel to an amazing country and experience sailing for the first time. I have been able to share sweet laughter, sacred tears, and unforgettable moments with him. Many of my friends have welcomed new husbands, sweet babies, and wonderful pets into their families. My hope, for the New Year, is that the number of those good times and the number of bad times will be flipped, and 2011 will be known as the year of redemptive joy.


Happy New Year!


Update and Menu Planning

28 Nov

With so much going on these past few weeks, I feel like I just need life to pause. Now, where’d I put that dang remote?

I am now a “stay-at-home-mom” to this little sweet heart:

I’m going to take some time off to heal, so while I’m here I’m also going to work on managing our home. Which means figuring out ways to save us money, and to be a good helper to my amazing husband. One way to do both of those is to work on food!

Oh, and I start wound care again tomorrow. Boo. Some days I feel like I am healing really well, others, not so much. Today is one of those not so much days. I’m trying not to be too upset by the small opening I have in my surgery sight, but its hard.

Any-who: on to the food! I’m going to start doing 2 weeks at a time, since I’m not able to drive yet, and I feel terrible sending Jason to the store so often. I’ll also be able to spend more time making things homemade, rather than buying them, and there won’t be as many things that pop up in our schedule that make it hard to eat at home.

Monday: wound care in the morning; Trade as One party at The Bacak’s; grocery store…we’ll grab something quick.

Tuesday: BBQ Meatballs; Mashed Potatoes

Wednesday: Meatball subs; Spinach with Garlic Chips…have I mentioned my obsession with this?

Thursday: Stuffed shells and Meat Sauce; Garlic Bread

Friday: Leftovers!

Saturday: Shrimp Pasta in a Foil Package; green beans…I’m also roasting 2-3 chickens to cut up and freeze for recipes

Sunday: for Jason to take to church; Chili Tot Casserole; Chocolate Cobbler (I’m making one of these for us as well!)

Monday: Pork Chops; Au Gratin potatoes

Tuesday: Chicken Veggie Quesadillas; Cilantro Lime Rice

Wednesday: BBQ Ribs; Green Bean Casserole; crescent rolls

Thursday: Leftovers!

Friday: Mexican Pizzas

Staring down the barrel

20 Sep

has a whole new meaning for me. I feel like that’s what I’m doing with my doctors appointment tomorrow.

Tomorrow we get some answers. Do I for sure have to have a second surgery? What are the odds this fixes it? When are we going to do it? What will the healing be like? Will this finally be the end?

I am so sick of having a hole in my tailbone. I am so sick of having to have Jason change packing and gauze. I am so sick of worrying that packing is coming lose. I am so sick of hurting after sitting. I am so sick of feeling like my hair and back are never properly cleaned, since I have to be careful to keep the wound dry.

I’m done. I’m over it. This has been the most sanctifying experience of my life, but I am ready to be done with it and using what the Lord has taught me through this in so many other ways.

Tomorrow, we know.

Less than a month!!!!

30 Apr

Homigoodness…..we’re officially less than a month until I am Mrs. Meg Ross!!!

I am so excited for the day that I get to stand before God, our family, and our friends and declare that I will forever stand beside him and love him.

Hurry up, May 29th!!!!

P.S…I had another mystery hole open up. They had all closed up for about 2 weeks, but this one showed up about a day or so ago. Boo!!!

Lost tools

12 Mar

Skin cultures were done on my holes today, after one of them, or something attached to one of them, ruptured and drained goo and a lot of blood (there’s a mental image for ya!). Results should be in on Monday, and that will hopefully put me on the final path toward a much anticipated answer.

I realized through these past 48 hours  of excruciating pain that I have lost a very powerful tool I used to have. Several years ago, I  had the ability to convince myself I was not in pain. I was able to push even the most powerful of physical pains into something the size of a pin, then push it out of me. As I laid in bed awake last night for hours and hours on end, I kept trying to make myself remember how I did it, until finally I just let the pain wash over me. How did I do it? And why now when I need it more than ever before have I forgotten my little trick?

I know that in the end this is going to make me a better person. And I will continue to praise Him, through the sleepless nights, the gauze changes, the growing phobia of q-tips, the blood draws, the pill swallowing, the heartburn from the pill swallowing, and the deep lingering pain in my legs and back. He is a God of mercy and grace, and He won’t give me anything I can’t handle. I am just excited to be on the other side of this bridge and see it from across the water, and to laugh at all the things I’ve gone through the past 2 years.

Another test, another “we can’t help you”

9 Mar

For those getting ready to read this, though it may sound like I’m complaining, this is actually going to be my new approach to my health care: talk about it until I find an answer.

After a year and a half, I still have no answers as to what is causing these open holes in my skin, these infections, and this general feeling of nastiness. I have been to my family practice physician, endocrinologist, dermatologist, gynecologist, gynecologist that specializes in dermatology and infections, a doctor that specializes in infectious disease, a gastrointerologist, and a couple others that I can’t remember their specialty. I have had tubes upon tubes upon tubes of blood drawn. I’ve done 24 hour urine tests. I’ve done cortisol tests. I’ve done skin scrapings, swabbings, and biopsies. Most recently I’ve had the joy of a colonosocopy. My surgery isn’t healing, my holes aren’t healing, nothing is healing, and something has to give.

I realize that I am blessed. They know its not cancer. I’m able to work and live. But I live with pain. I live with the feeling of my body screaming out for help, and no one being able to. I am starting to lose myself in all this; its hard to remember what it was like before it didn’t hurt.

Please pray. Nothing can be done that isn’t in God’s time, and without His grace I can never be whole and healed. Please pray for strength for me, and for Jason. Please pray for the doctors, and the nurses. Please pray for something good to come out of this, and for everything to be for a specific purpose in God’s plan.